


Stuck

by Melancholy_Incarnate



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Sad, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-05-10 09:53:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 10,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14734742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melancholy_Incarnate/pseuds/Melancholy_Incarnate
Summary: A story about a shapeshifter who cannot remember anything before one year previously. She escapes the illegal pet trade and finds herself lost in New York City. She is soon taken to the Avengers Tower, with them still unaware that she is anything but an illegally imported snake. But after that first night, she is found out, but manages to take on another form with them still none the wiser. But for how long they will stay that way, none can say. Who is she? Where did she come from? And why does that prince look so familiar...?Probably my best story so far.Also I am an absolute COMEDIC GENIUS so be prepared for some hella good jokes in the author's notes and shit.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> You guys have been really patient with me for so long. Here's a story for you all. I'm so sorry, but I just haven't been feeling it with the other stories lately and I thought that maybe if I started fresh with a new fic it would be easier for me to get writing done. So here.
> 
> Also you are going to get your ass well and truly beat at least thrice in this story.

You were lost. Scared. Stuck somewhere in New York City with only blurry memories. You had no recollection of anything before last year, though. Odd. You had been living in Brazil for a year, scraping by selling yarn and knitted garments. Then something happened. You didn't know what. But you woke up as a Brazilian Rainbow Boa in a cage. You were being sold into the illegal pet trade. You forced your new body to hold its shape for weeks. Finally you arrived in NYC and were sold to a man who, thankfully, didn't know how to properly lock your cage. You escaped out into the streets, but the energy required to do a transformation was too high a price to pay just then. You hadn't been fed in four weeks. So you sucked it up and climbed a tree to figure out where to go from there. Hopefully you would survive.

There was a crow pecking at you. Dammit. You turned to it, rose up, and hissed in its face. It flew off with a loud squawk of indignation. 

It was late afternoon. You had to find somewhere to sleep or you would most likely die. And you were hungry. How long had it been since you last ate...? Ah, damn. You smelled a meaty aroma coming from a shop directly across the street. The sign said "Shawarma"? What the hell is shawarma? You had unconsciously slithered lower in the tree to get a closer look. You were wrapped around the trunk now, in clear view of the people on the street.  _Fuck._  No one had noticed you yet, however. Seems you jinxed it with that thought, because just then, a woman let out a shrill scream.

"Snake!!!!"

Seconds later, eight people burst out from the little shop that smelled  _so nice oh god you were so hungry_ \- onto the street and sprinted over to the poor woman. She was shrieking and pointing an accusing finger at you. You felt bad for frightening her, but you couldn't change now or these people would probably kill you. 

So you slithered a little up the tree, lazily flicking your tongue out every few seconds. A snake out minding her own business. Just a five-foot-long snake endemic to a different continent hanging out, not doing anyone any real harm. Yeah. Like  _that_ would be a valid excuse.

"It's okay, ma'am," a tall man with blue, blue eyes and blond hair consoled. "We'll make sure it gets to its owner and you won't have to worry."

Meanwhile, another tall, blue-eyed blondie —albeit this one with much longer hair— approached you confidently. 

"Ooh I love snakes! They're so cute!" He sounded excited. Good for him. He reached out and touched your iridescent scales. You didn't think the big guy would harm you, so you let him. Why the hell not. Maybe he'd give you a place to sleep. Or something to eat. So you moved your head toward his hand slowly so as not to make him think you would bite. You flicked your tongue at him a few times before slithering cautiously onto his arm. This was probably a truly horrible idea, but you were desperate. Or maybe just crazy. Who knows. Who cares. Either way, you wrapped around his arm, not too tight, but tight enough to stay on, and rested your head and part of your body on his beefy shoulder. 

"Thor, what the hell are you doing?" the man with the goatee asked exasperatedly. 

"I wanted to play with the snake!"

"Well, just hold on to it until I get someone to deal with it."

Your body instinctively tightened at the thought of being 'dealt with'. The one holding you —Thon, was it? Thor? Thor— noticed. 

"I don't think it likes the idea."

You immediately released his arm from your crushing grip and hissed the snake version of "sorry" into his ear. 

"Stop it! That tickles-" he laughed, tilting his head to trap you against his shoulder. He was  _so warm._  Oh yeah. Reptiles are cold-blooded. "Can we take it back to the tower? Pleeease??"

"Fine. But you take care of it and make sure it doesn't get loose in the tower," Goatee Man warned.

"OK!"

* * *

Back at the tower, your 'captors', I suppose, fed you some hamburger meat. You swallowed it hungrily. Then 'Thor' or whatever his name was took you up to his room and put you in his bathroom. Before he left, he made you a nest of warm towels and plugged the sink and filled it with water for you. What a thoughtful guy. You appreciated all his effort to make you comfortable. He turned out the lights and closed the door after he had made preparations for you and ensured that you were comfortable. And so, curled up in your little towel-nest, you fell asleep.

Several hours later, you awoke to a shout of alarm. You felt- different. When you looked at yourself, you knew why. You were back to your original form. Clothed, thankfully. It appeared that you had been occupying that body for too long. You supposed you had forced your body until it just gave up. But that wasn't what was important at that exact moment because there was a huge man with a massive hammer pointed right at your face. Not exactly how you wanted to wake up.

You cowered under his glare.

"JARVIS, tell my companions that we have an intruder. You... you stay here."

Well, it wasn't like you had anywhere else to go. Once he left, you shifted unconsciously. It  _hurt_. You knew you would be stuck for a while. For how long exactly, well. You'd have to figure that out.  _Fucking... fuck._ At least you were in a form you liked.

The door opened and you darted under the bed in a streak of gray fur.

"The fuck was that?"

"I don't know."

"Looked like a cat to me."

"Since when do we have a cat?"

Under the bed, you hissed. You were doing calculations and energy conversions in your head. Where did you learn how to do that? How did you know the necessary equations? What the fuck? No matter how you knew what you did, you figured that with the energy required for so much changing after weeks of malnourishment, you would be stuck like this for at _least_ a month.  _A month._  Stuck. As a cat. With these people. And nowhere else to go. 

_Well, this should be fun._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyho, lovelies. Here is chapter 2. Yesterday was the last day of school, so I have alllll summer for you. I am adding photos of things and places when I feel it could enhance your experience.  
> Enjoy!

"Here, kitty kitty!"

"Shut up, Sam."

You ignored them. 

"Hey Steve, you could lift up the bed," a man with long, dark hair and a metal arm suggested. The man next to him thanked him and went to the end of the bed and began to lift. But damn that guy was strong. You hadn't thought this far ahead.  _Fuck fuck FUCK!!!_ You darted through the group of people like a river weaves through rocks. You leaped to reach the door handle and leverage the damn thing open. Quite a task without opposable thumbs, to be sure, but it can be done. 

Mid-jump, however, the door opened and a man in a black suit stepped into the room. Into your path.

"I thought the mighty Avengers would be better hosts to the brothe-"

You were in the air. It was far too late to change direction to avoid a collision. You landed against his stomach. You had jumped too high anyway. You would have missed the door handle and hit the wood instead. You scrambled up to jump off his shoulder, desperately trying to escape the grasp of the guy you had used as a landing pad. But you didn't make it to his shoulder. A pair of hands wrapped around your ribcage and held your flailing claws away from his face. Your pupils were huge with fear. 

Contemporaneously, Thor turned to the rest of the gaggle of onlookers and spoke sheepishly, "I might have forgotten to tell you that Loki is coming to Earth for a while. To see how things are going. As the Allfather-"

"What?!" many of them shouted in disbelief and horror. 

Tall Dark & Handsome was holding you unceremoniously by the armpits and seemed completely unfazed by your repeated attacks. You were growing tired. Fast. Your movements slowed. Stopped. You knew when you were beaten. Dammit. His hold on your armpits was really starting to get uncomfortable, though. You gave a plaintive meow. He glared at you before holding you against his chest and supporting your weight evenly. Apparently this 'Loki' knew how to hold a cat. Finally some good luck.

You didn't struggle, thinking it best to be as docile as possible and  _maybe_ these people would take pity on you and let you stay. You hoped so. You didn't know where else to go. Your earlier plan of 'escape now, think later' was seeming rather foolish. 

"Why was a  _cat_ giving you this much trouble?" Loki cocked an eyebrow. "On second thought, maybe that's a story for another time. If you would show me to my rooms? Or do I have to find them myself?"

Grumbling, the man with the goatee led him out of the room and across the hall. 

"You will be in here. Thor is the only other person on this floor, but if you cause any trouble, the rest of us will be forced to keep a closer eye on you." He handed Loki a key before walking away. 

Loki opened the door and stepped inside the room. The door shut behind him and he placed you on the floor. You were in a small living room. It was nice. Very fancy. Everywhere you looked was gorgeous with cream and beige and mocha coloration. There was a 'fireplace' and even a crystalline light fixture above the two couches. A tall, elegant vase held several long flowers. A very nice touch. Whoever the interior decorator was, you silently praised their exquisite work.

"I suppose that since you're my new roommate, you'll need a name." His voice took you by surprise. He was reclining on one of the couches, leaning back on a pillow with one leg hanging off the opposite end of the couch and the other foot on the floor. He was holding a book in his hand, not looking at you.

"Skaði, perhaps? As good a name as any," he shrugged. You leaped up onto his chest as he read his book. You didn't know what possessed you to do such a thing, but this man- this Loki... just felt so familiar. So safe. Like the residual feeling of a dream already half forgotten, still tickling the back of your mind like a long-lost friend. 

Who was this strange fellow? And why did you let your guard down so easily around him? 

You banished those thoughts for now, choosing not to dwell on them. Instead you focused on the slow, steady rise and fall of Loki's breathing as it gently lulled you to sleep. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter. Sad, but fluffy and hopeful ending.

Maybe twelve hours later, you woke with the need to relieve yourself. Carefully, you got off Loki's chest. He was still engrossed in his book. Nearly done with it. You were kind of impressed. You hopped to the floor and walked across the extraordinarily soft carpet to the door you thought led to the bathroom. You jumped up onto the handle and your weight pushed it down and your momentum opened it. Thank God whoever owned this tower hadn't opted for round door handles.

The bathroom was of a more modern design than the living room. Luxurious as ever, though. You closed the door behind you and, with only minor difficulty, used the toilet. After pawing the flushing mechanism, you gracefully stepped into the spacious shower. With considerably more effort than it had taken to open the door, you turned it on and made it so the water wasn't frigid or scalding. And that was how Loki found you moments later: sitting happily under the warm shower. 

"Quite a clever cat, aren't you?"

You stared at him proudly and walked out of the shower. You looked at him expectantly.  _Might want to dumb it down a little before these people get really freaked out and get rid of me,_ you thought. He turned off the shower, but instead of wrapping you in a towel or putting one on the floor like you expected, you felt an odd tingling all over. You sneezed. Once. Twice. Thrice. When the tingling feeling subsided, however, you were dry.  _What the fuck?! Who is this dude?!_

You were fascinated and thankful that you were dry, because your sodden fur had begun to make you chilly. 

"Come, Skaði," Loki said. He wasn't even looking to see if you were following. So sure of himself. You considered staying where you were to rid him of a bit of his confidence, but ultimately decided against it. You trotted along behind him back into the little living room. He walked over to a small bookshelf. You looked at all of his books. You couldn't read the odd writing on any of them, but one stood out to you more than any of the others. It was old. Tattered. Loved. You put your paw on the spine and gave a sound halfway between and purr and a meow. 

Loki picked up your selection, running his hand over the cover fondly. "My mother gave this to me a long time ago. It was always my favorite book."

He sat on the couch and you sat beside him, looking at the book. He opened it and started to read it aloud to you. 

"Once upon a time, there was a prince..." Loki began. His voice was clear and quiet, perfect for the story he read to you. You loved every second of it. This book clearly meant a lot to him and yet he shared it with you. Damn it, you already wanted to make him happy and you'd only known him for a day. You'd always had too big a heart for your own good. But fuck it, he seemed just as lonely as you felt. It seemed like he had a friend-shaped hole in his heart. One which you could fill well enough. So why not. 

When you began to purr against him, he stopped reading and looked at you with a pained expression. Was he just not used to having a companion?

"How can you be so happy when you sit next to a  **monster**?" he asked. When you kept purring, he abruptly stood and turned his back to you. When Loki faced you again, his skin was a lovely azure hue. Pale lines adorned his face in symmetrical patterns. His eyes were ruby red, nothing marring that perfect shade except tiny black pupils. Of course, you were startled. Who wouldn't be? But you weren't afraid. If he were going to harm you, surely he would have done so already.

You got off the couch and walked over to him. You rubbed your head against his leg, still purring. He seemed shocked that you hadn't run away in fear. He sat back down heavily on the little sofa and you sat in his lap. He wasn't blue anymore. But there were tears running down his face. Loki was silently weeping. Had you upset him? Done something wrong?  _Don't cry! No no no! Don't cry..._  

You stood up in his lap and rubbed your head against his cheek, wiping away his tears as best you could. He hugged you and buried his face into your fur as he cried harder. It broke your heart. You wished you had arms so you could give him a hug. 

Loki wept for his mother, the only being in the nine realms who had ever loved him. But now he had a second chance. Neither of you knew it then, but your meeting would change the both of your lives forever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost cried writing the end of this chapter, guys. Oh my god. I didn't know I could even write that.


	4. Chapter 4

When Loki let go of you, you jumped down and walked to the door leading into the hallway. You stopped in front of it and meowed insistently for him to follow. He opened the door and you followed your acute feline nose toward the elevator, Loki keeping pace beside you. He'd shortened his strides so you wouldn't have to run to keep up. Your stomach growled loudly in the elevator. Loki pressed the button for the level with the kitchen. Apparently he'd done some exploring here before. 

When you reached the kitchen, all of the Avengers were gathered at the table, laughing and eating. Loki stopped in the entryway but you continued on inwards a few steps, hoping to encourage him to follow you. He made no move to follow you within. You meowed loudly. All conversation ceased and everyone looked at you and Loki. You walked back to him and rubbed against his legs.

Thor laughed. "It seems you have found yourself a friend, brother!"

"It does seem that way, yes," he replied, looking down at you. He turned his eyes back to the gathering before him. "Do you have any meat, perchance?" Thor waved what looked like an entire roast chicken around on his fork.

"Yes! Come sit with us, Loki!" he thundered, patting the empty seat next to him. The others at the table didn't look entirely as pleased, but didn't protest. Loki muttered something that sounded like 'big oaf' but walked over and sat beside his brother all the same. 

"Skaði," he said, the order behind the word clear. You padded silently over to him and jumped up onto his lap. You sat there, perfectly well behaved. Whenever he gave you a piece of chicken, you ate it gratefully and with more grace than anyone could ever expect from a hungry cat. Slowly, you picked up all of their names. There was Steve, the blue-eyed blond one who lifted up the bed. Bucky, Steve's best friend with the metal arm. Tony, the man who owned the tower, you thought, was the one with the goatee. There was also Clint, Sam, Natasha, and Bruce. 

But all too soon, the dinner was over. Loki went back up to his room, but the others stayed to watch a movie. You decided to apologize for earlier by being nice and hanging out with them.

The movie began in the dark living room. Everyone was lying on the floor, sitting on the couch, or sprawled on beanbags or soft chairs. Thor was lying on his stomach on the floor when you sat next to him. He pet you for a few minutes before you moved over to lean on Tony, who was sitting on the couch. He ignored you at first, but that was ok. He didn't have to like you if he didn't want to. But eventually he gave your head a few pats and you lay down between Natasha and Bruce, who both pet you for a bit before their hands landed on top of each other's to pet you and they just held hands. Good for them. You hoped it worked out. Then you bothered Sam and Clint, who were chilling on beanbags. Finally, you lay stretched out on Steve and Bucky's laps on the couch. You soon fell asleep there and only woke when the movie was over. 

Was Loki lonely? You hoped he didn't feel betrayed. You ran up the stairs next to the elevator and to his room. The door was closed and you needed a key to open it. You meowed at his door for several minutes. Nothing. So you kept a vigil outside his door for three and a half hours. Finally,  _finally,_ the door opened.

"Skaði?" he asked, bleary eyed. He must have just woken up. He was wearing only a pair of black cotton pants. "JARVIS gave me a notification that you've been waiting here for almost four hours without sleeping." You walked inside and curled up on the couch after Loki returned to his bedroom.

Before you fell asleep, you wondered if it would be so bad to be stuck like this forever. You decided that it would not be all that terrible.


	5. Chapter 5

Your routine of lounging around the tower, listening to Loki read, and trying to figure out how much longer until you could be human again lasted about two weeks before Thor burst into Loki's suite one day. It startled you so badly that you jumped a full five feet straight up in the air.

"Loki! Loki, you're going on a mission with us! Isn't that great?! Come quickly!"

Loki groaned and followed after his brother. His casual green shirt and black pants changed into leather armor in green and gold, topped with a golden horned helm. He left without even a glance toward you. You were honestly quite offended. He was gone for four days. Four days you worried. Four days you waited. Four days you tried to change back. Four days you failed.

On the evening of the fifth day, the team returned. But no one came up to see you. Instead, they all attended Stark's party. You could hear the music from three floors up. For hours you listened. Eventually you became so hungry that you couldn't avoid it anymore. You had to go downstairs. You left the room, careful to leave the door open so you could return, and with mounting dread, you descended. 

There were people everywhere. The place was packed. Music deafening. The stench of alcohol was dizzying. You ran toward the refreshments table and stole a chicken leg. People were trying to pet you. You dodged and weaved with great effort, trying not to drop your prize. It was a maze of legs. You couldn't find your way back.  _You couldn't find your way back._ Somehow you made it out onto a balcony. It was relatively empty, the only occupants couples kissing and groping each other. 

Wolfing down your hard-earned meal, you waited for the party to die down. It didn't. After an hour, though, the crowd shifted  _just_ right and you could see the stairwell. You  _ran_. Up the stairs. Higher and higher. The door was still open when you got to it. That meant he hadn't come back and closed it yet. It was only just  _barely_ open. You were sure you'd left it more open than that. You peeked your head inside.

Immediately you regretted it. You saw him on the couch. There was a woman with him. Moving up and down. Up and down. You heard the obscene slapping noises and her shrill moans. You booked it out of there. That was where you  _slept._ What the fuck?! You felt betrayed. You sprinted back down to the party. Darted through the legs of the drunk people. You wanted to be human again. The sooner you were human the sooner you could leave this place. You disappeared into an empty conference room off-limits to the partygoers. You didn't know why this hit you so hard. But you couldn't deny that it did. It shattered your heart. So you forced your cells into a human shape.

It was agony. Pure pain. You looked down at your body and saw crimson staining your side. You lifted up the gray tunic and screamed. The entire left side of your torso was a raw, red, bloody mass. It looked like your flesh had been put through a wood chipper. You could see white shards of shattered bone decorating the shredded meat of your body. You screamed again. A horrible sound. It felt like fire as it bubbled up out of your throat. Blood dripped down your chin out of your mouth along with it. You were dying. You hoped it would end quickly. That you would just die and get it over with. The universe obliged. The world faded to nothing. Not black. Not white. Just.... Nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this the end of our dear reader? Will this story end on such an unsatisfying note? No.  
> Until tomorrow probably, my darlings. Suffer this horrible writing. Suffer this cliffhanger. Or don't.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter detailing how our favorite hero team finds you.

All motion in the room ceased when the music abruptly cut off. JARVIS was making an announcement.

"What now?" whined Tony.

"All Avengers report to conference room 3A immediately. All guests must vacate the tower."

Several of the Iron Man suits controlled by the AI began to herd guests out of the tower as the avengers rushed toward the conference room. JARVIS had already deployed medical bots to the area. When Stark and the others arrived, they saw what was so urgent. A woman was collapsed on the floor, blood leaking out from under her.

"JARVIS, play the security footage!" Steve shouted. 

"Of course, sir."

The tape began to play. Skaði, Loki's cat, ran into the room and caught her breath for a moment. Then, something peculiar happened. Skaði began to change. Her tail shrank into her body. Her spine elongated. All of the fur on her body vanished except for that which was on her head. That lengthened and changed color. Her ears migrated down her head and got smaller as the rest of her entire body enlarged. Within the space of about five seconds, it was no longer a cat on the screen but a woman. They saw her lift up her tunic and take in her ruined left side before passing out. 

"S.H.I.E.L.D. medical personnel are already on their way," notified the AI. 

"Thanks, JARVIS. Thor, get Loki. Maybe he's seen something like this before."

Thor's face had gone pale when he saw the clip. He nodded mutely and ran to get his brother. He nearly knocked the door off its hinges when he banged on it.

Loki finally opened the door and Thor averted his gaze from the woman on the couch. Thankfully, his brother was wearing pants. Still not looking at the naked woman, he said, "All guests must vacate the tower immediately."

"Brother, was that all you came here to say?!"

"Loki, come with me. There's something you need to see."

"What could possibly be so importa-"

Thor said your name. 

_"WHAT?!"_

Loki ran after his elder brother and into the conference room. She wasn't there.

"Watch the video."

It played in silence.

When it was over, Loki spoke.

"A hundred years and she decides to show up now?!  _Here?!"_

He stormed down to the infirmary. You were hooked up to at least five different machines, twitching and talking in your unconscious state. 

"...no.... no...! he's coming for me.... I know he'll come for me.... please... no.... NO!!" You gave a blood-curdling shriek and then six wracking sobs. Between the sobs, he could barely make out your last words. "Loki wouldn't.... leave me... with... you..."

Loki seethed. You don't get over a hundred years of feeling betrayed in twenty minutes. And that sure as Hel wasn't going to change now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry, babes.  
> FUN FACT: Originally I was going to make our dear reader's first words after waking up "Please tell me I still have my left titty."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback time.  
> Fevered remembrances from the time Before.

_"You're the prince's bitch. Where is it, whore?!"_

_"I don't know what you're talking about!" you sobbed. "Just let me go!"_

_"Not 'til you tell us where the sword is!"_

_"I don't know! I don't-"_

_You were shoved into a cell._

_"You'll stay here until you decide to tell us where it is, bitch."_

_"You can't keep me here! He'll come for me! He'll kill you!"_

_"Not if he thinks you abandoned him."_

_"He'd never think that! I love him! Loki knows I love him! He'd never leave me here with you monsters!"_

_Every day you were taken out of your cell and whipped and tortured, always asked the same question. "Where is the sword? Where is the sword? Where is the sword?"_

_Every day you were taken back to your cell and let heal._

_After one month, you gave up on Loki ever coming to find you. After one year, you forgot anything except for pain. After two, time stopped mattering. You lost track of time. There was only agony and the question. That bloody question._

_But they let you keep the bracelet. A cruel reminder._ "For my love,"  _it had engraved on it next to your name. You soon forgot who it was from. Where you came from. Everything. Nothing. Empty. Empty. Empty..._


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> High-quality drugged-up reader time. Oh yeah.  
> send this to ur friends  
> it's hella fun to see ur reactions

When you woke, you weren't alone.  _He_ was there.

"Go away," you tried to say. Instead what came out was "Nghhhhh..."

Loki glared. "Why did you leave me all those years ago?" he hissed. "I  _loved_ you!"

"Huh?" You had no idea what he was talking about. Your head was spinning. You licked your dry lips.

"A hundred years ago! You abandoned me!"

"The furthest back I can 'member is a year ago in.... um... basil. Brazil?"

Loki sat back and rubbed his forehead.  _She doesn't remember..._

"If you're a hundred then you're  _oooold..._   hahahaha..."

You reached out to touch his hand. You used your left arm. Bad idea. You promptly passed out from pain again. Loki held your hand until you woke up once more.

This time, you didn't seem to know where you were. Or rather, when. 

"Heyyyy Loki. I went to get you a birthday present but then I got beat up for a long time but I knew you'd find me and now you're here so it's ok..." was all you babbled before you drifted back down. 

"You always were a lightweight," he muttered fondly. "Even these weak Midgardian drugs can take you out." 

* * *

You stayed asleep until a week later. Everything hurt. 

"FUCK," you swore.

You were in a hospital bed. Wearing a hospital gown. Which meant someone had seen you naked. Which meant someone had seen the scars crisscrossing your back. The ones from the whip dipped in the venom of the Midgard Serpent. Sometimes they still hurt. You didn't know where your knowledge of those scars came from, but instinctively, you knew it was true. You were beginning to remember things from your past. And god _damn_ it was a weird past so far as you could remember. 

When Loki ran in after hearing your shouted curse, things came flooding back. That you loved him for so long. That you were taken and tortured for information you didn't have. That he thought you'd abandoned him. Then finally, those three seconds still playing in your mind. The woman on the couch. Up and down, up and-  _stop!!! No more!!!_

You gave Loki a dead stare. "Clothes. Bring me some clothes. I'm leaving." You started to stand shakily. You began to tear off the monitors and wires, wincing whenever you pulled a tube out of your skin.  _Gross._  

In a heartbeat, Loki forced you to sit back down on the bed and leaned over you, hands on each of your shoulders. 

" _No._ I spent a hundred fucking years mourning what I had with you. Thinking you'd run out on me. I just got you back. I won't lose you again. I  _can't_ lose you again."

Your vision was blurry with the tears welling in your eyes. "Go fuck yourself," you hissed. "Or go fuck that whore on your couch again. I'm leaving." You shoved him away and stood. As soon as you made it out of the room, you had to lean on the wall and try not to throw up. Somehow you made it upstairs to your- no, Loki's- room. Locked. Damn it. Instead you turned to Thor's door and knocked heavily on it. 

When he opened it, he was beyond shocked to see you standing there.

"Would you happen to have anything I could wear?" 

He gave you a too-big pair of sweatpants and a too-big hoodie. You ducked into his bathroom and changed, pulling the string on the sweatpants and tying it. You looked ridiculous. These clothes were made for a giant. There was about a foot of fabric in the legs that dragged under your feet. You looked like you had big, navy-blue flippers when you walked. Was this how ducks felt?

Your too-long pants flopped all the way to the elevator. You hit the button for the kitchen level. What you didn't expect to see when you stepped out of the elevator was Loki with a flask of Asgardian liquor, drunk off his ass. You were about to retreat back into the elevator, but it was too late. He had already seen you.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: special guest starring Drunk Loki.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clichés galore. Bite me.

"You're not going to find what you're looking for at the bottom of a bottle," you deadpanned.

"Luckily, this isn't a bottle," Loki said, taking a swig. You flapped over to him and took the flask. 

"Stop. I can't watch you do this to yourself."

"Then close your eyes," he spat.

"Loki! Stop it!"

"Why should I? You're leaving anyway."

"Because I'm still in love with you, you asshole!"

"That's a lie and you know it!"

"Well if you can't tell when I'm telling the truth, then maybe you shouldn't be the God of Lies anymore!" You angrily sat down one seat away. You both sat in silence for a long moment. 

"I'm sorry. I should have known you wouldn't abandon me. I was an idiot and I'm sorry." When you gave no response, he continued. "The day you disappeared was the day I was going to propose to you." He pulled a ring out of his pocket. It was a gold circle with an emerald set in it. Simple and elegant and beautiful. And all Loki. "This has been a weight in my pocket for a hundred years. I think it's time to get rid of it." He slid it across the counter and you reflexively caught it.

"It's... lovely." You didn't realize you were crying until you saw a tear splatter on the granite countertop. Then a second. And a third. Then countless more, falling ever faster. You couldn't even see the ring anymore through your tear-blurred eyes. Just a fuzzy green and gold smear. You stood so fast that the stool fell over with a loud clatter as you stumbled out of the room. You didn't know where you were going but it didn't matter. It just had to be somewhere that wasn't  _there_. 

You ended up in the training room. You didn't know exactly how you'd gotten there, considering you'd never been there before. But it was lucky you'd ended up there. All you wanted to do just then was hit something.

So you beat the ever-living shit out of a punching bag. It could have been minutes. It could have been hours. But you just kept hitting and kicking until gradually your movements began to slow. Then finally, they stopped altogether and you sat ungracefully on the floor and wept into your hands. And when you had no more tears to shed, you curled up on the mat and fell into a blissfully dreamless sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fluffy chapter for you all because I am feeling ever-so-generous  
> prelude to chapter 11

It was warm. Too warm. Sleeping on the floor of the training room wasn't supposed to be this warm. You knew you should get up and see what the hell was going on, but you were just so comfortable... You weren't ready to think yet. That could wait at least a little longer. So, fully intending to go back to sleep, you snuggled further into the arms of whomever it was embracing you.  _What? Arms? What?_  

You opened your eyes to see a pale face framed by long black hair. He looked so peaceful, sleeping like that. You couldn't bear to wake him. 

Not actually meaning to, you put your arms around him. Loki woke and cracked open one lovely green eye to look at you. You removed your arms and muttered an apology for waking him. But instead of releasing you, he pulled you closer. 

"It's too early to be awake. Go back to sleep, love," Loki murmured into your hair, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. You didn't do as he bade you. Instead, you rolled off the bed.

"I'll be right back," you assured. "It's too hot." You went to the bathroom and peeled off Thor's sweatshirt and sweatpants. You left on the t-shirt he had given you and your underwear. You left the bathroom and returned to find Loki already half asleep. Moving so you lay with your back against him, you became the little spoon to his big spoon as he pulled you in tight. You were curled up perfectly against his chest as he slept and soon, you began to drift off, too.

Before you were fully engulfed by dreams, though, a whisper tickled your ear. 

"I've missed you," Loki said so quietly you almost thought you had imagined it. Maybe he wasn't asleep after all.  _Better a hundred years late than never at all... It's time to pick up where we left off._

That one thought was all it took to steel your nerves. You twisted in his grasp until you faced him. A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as you stared up at him. With that little smile went the last thread of your worries of rejection. Stretching up, you put your lips against his. It was like the gentle, fleeting touch of the first snowflake of a blizzard, promising more to come.  _Just the beginning,_  it said without words. 

"I love you more than the grass loves the sun, more than the bee loves the flowers, more than the desert loves the rain," you said against his lips.

"As much as I'd love to hear you continue this list professing your love for me, I'd much rather you just kiss me again, please."

You chuckled as Loki grinned. With nary a moment's hesitation, you obliged. Maybe it lasted a second, maybe a day. It felt like eternity with his arms around you while his soft lips pressed against yours. It was perfection. Utter and absolute.  _He_  was perfection. By the time you pulled away, you were both grinning like lovestruck fools. Which, in fact, one could argue that you were. 

"I love you, too," Loki said into the silence. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I conducted two hours of research for one paragraph. One. I had to make sure the size comparisons and fun facts sprinkled haphazardly throughout that single paragraph were correct. I had to make sure the regions were correct. I had to sift through figures and convert metric tons to U.S. tons so I could personally compare them to use in the next three or four chapters but not give you the exact numbers because that would render my writing so dull as to be nearly unbearable. I had to choose from the millions of possibilities of creature for those chapters, keeping in mind the lifespans and conservation statuses and natural predators and unnatural predators and habitats and biology of just one animal so I could make them as accurate as I possibly could. And yet I have at least two more animals to do the same for. I go to great lengths for this story. Lengths that none of you knew about until now. I had to painstakingly sift through house websites for the photos of rooms in previous chapters, trying to find things that fit even remotely so I could construct an at least semi-believable temporary living space for the Allfather. Hundreds of images, comparing each side-by-side until I gave up and slapped a few that even vaguely resembled each other. I do amounts of work unimaginable to other authors for things that seem so trivial because I wish to create the best experience for you all. One that, when you see a fact in it, makes you think "Hey! I never knew that!" and be able to repeat it without fear of spreading misinformation. One that contains information you can use to baffle and amaze your friends. One that contains information one can use to fucking dominate in trivia games.  
> So if you wish to criticize my writing, you may. Just don't criticize the facts I use in here. Anything but that is fair game. Go for it. But don't attack the information that I gathered over several miserable hours.

You woke early. Outside, it was as dark as it ever got in this infernal city.  _New York, the city that never sleeps, huh?_ You could make out the bright headlights and the lights of the surrounding buildings easily in the pre-dawn blackness. You glanced at the clock. 3:12 a.m. Sliding oh-so-slowly out of the bed, you were careful not to wake Loki. You wanted a clean escape. Last night was a mistake. But a mistake that you didn't regret. You wanted him to at least know you cared before you disappeared from his life for a second time. Because this time, it was on purpose. And this time, you **weren't** coming back.

You wished you didn't feel this way. But alas, you did. So you vowed not to fall into that trap again. You'd fallen for people thrice before and it  **never** ended well. So now you were going to use the age-old method of problem solving. Run away. You went into the bathroom and again donned the too-big sweatpants and sweatshirt you had borrowed from Thor.

It had been more than a week since your disastrous transformation. But you had been healing. There was no evidence on your body that you had been in any such accident. The high nutrient content of the chemical cocktails your body had been forced to absorb had vastly improved your health. And that improvement in your health meant that you would be able to change far sooner than if you had just eaten regular food and not had high-energy compounds put into your body. In three days, you would be able to turn into something the size of a barn owl with no injury. In two or three weeks, perhaps something the size of an albatross. Five weeks, a large horse. Nine weeks, an orca. Twelve, a sei whale. Seventeen weeks, a fin whale, the second-largest mammal on the planet.  _That_ was what you were going for. That was the pattern you were going to follow. So you would book passage on a boat out on the Pacific. You would work there for a few weeks. Then you would change into an albatross. Fly over the ocean for maybe a month. Then make a water landing and boom, orca. Just continue up your size ladder and make it to fin whale, one of the fastest of the great whales. 

But before you could get on a boat out to the Pacific Ocean, you had to get out of this compound. So, grabbing a pen and paper, you began to write your farewell.

_Loki,_

_By the time you find this letter, it will probably be too late. I have to leave. And this time, I'm not coming back. It's through no fault of your own. I still love you. I will always love you. But I can't stay. You'll find another who loves you. Another who you can love. Don't look for me. You won't find me. I'm sorry for leaving so soon after telling you I loved you last night, but I selfishly thought I deserved at least a little slice of happiness before I go. You would have tired of me soon enough anyway. So be a good king for me, yeah?_

_I love you._

At the bottom, you signed your name in thin, loopy script. Tears made the ink run a little, but that was fine. He wouldn't notice. Or even if he did, he wouldn't care, you convinced yourself. You stuffed your note inside your pillowcase. Inside the pillow itself. Why the hell did it even have a zipper, anyway? Whatever. You meant to leave after stashing the note. You really, really did. But you couldn't help yourself.  _Just one more time,_ you told yourself.  _One more time._  You leaned over Loki and gently put a light kiss on his lips

Once that was over, you grabbed another piece of paper and addressed it to Tony Stark. 

_Sorry for lying to JARVIS. I'll pay you back someday. Whether it be with money or favors, I'll pay you back. I promise. I'll keep track of the interest for you, too. 20% per year. I'll find a way to pay it. The original amount was $1,000. I do hope this makes up for it. Sign next to my name and it's as good of a written contract as I can write in five minutes._

Again, you signed your name. This note, you took with you down to the kitchen. You put it in the liquor cabinet beneath a bottle of Mitcher's Celebration Sour Mash Whiskey.  _Didn't Tony say it's $4,000 a bottle? Damn that's expensive._

"JARVIS? Could I have some funds? I need to get some new clothes. I'd rather not have to continue borrowing my wardrobe from Thor."

"Of course, Miss." 

He told you to go to an ATM and type in a specific PIN number to withdraw some money. It was a special account that Tony set up for you, you learned. You knew it would have at least a thousand dollars in it. Anything less was just not the way Stark worked. And you were right. One thousand dollars for you to use whenever you went out over the next three months. If needed, he would deposit more, but you thought it would be rude to use it all up so quickly. But that was precisely what you intended to do, wasn't it. Hmm. Good thing you'd written that apology note.

You thanked JARVIS and left the tower, knowing it would be the last time you would return. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet another short chapter. But I thought that was the only possible end point for the chapter that wasn't the length of four regular-sized chapters later.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAA FINALLY WE LEARN YOUR BACKSTORY HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA I'VE BEEN WAITING SO LONG TO WRITE THIS

Loki woke to find the bed empty. 8:57 a.m., the clock read. Probably already down eating breakfast, he thought. A perfectly reasonable explanation. He got dressed and went downstairs. You were not there. He found his brother and his brother's friends sitting about the table instead.

"Have any of you seen _______ today?"

A chorus of 'no's answered him.

"She went out to buy some new clothes approximately four and a half hours ago," interjected the tower AI. "I have begun to suspect that she was lying. I apologize, sir."

Loki froze. Not again... The Avengers searched the tower high and low. They didn't find you anywhere. They began to search for a note. Loki knew you long enough. He found his note within hours. When Tony went to get a drink to deal with the situation, he found his own. He glared at it and signed his name next to yours before handing it over to the grumpy king.

When they knew for sure that it was of the utmost importance that they find you, the Avengers began gathering information about your past. And the only source of that information was Loki. Thor knew some of the story, too, but he hadn't know some very important details. Such as how often you could use your magic. How difficult it was. How skilled you were. How dangerous. But Loki knew. Loki knew every detail. So he told the story in full.

"1422 years ago, a beautiful baby girl was born in a large city. That city was the very Capital of Asgard. Her mother was a magistrate and her father was a merchant. Her mother was held in high esteem as a wise and just judge in her district. Her father was well-known on the wharfs for being a kind and generous man, as well as a wealthy merchant. Though neither of them were nobles both were respected throughout the area. Her father even gave my mother a lovely gift for each child of hers that was born. In celebration of Thor's birth, a beautiful pair of gold and diamond earrings. They were my mother's favorite for years. They were simple things, but it was the best thing the man owned and he gave it to her. When I was adopted a few years later, he had grown richer and gave my mother, again, the best thing he owned. This time, it was a crystal dove with two gleaming emerald eyes and wings outstretched. In its tiny beak it carried a perfect golden olive branch. She kept it carefully on a shelf in her room to watch over her and our family. She treasured that dove until the day she died. Now I do the same to honor her memory. But those gifts made my mother so happy that Odin granted the merchant one favor. Immediately, he knew what to ask.

"He said, 'Should both my wife and I die, will you take care of my daughter?' Odin and Frigga both agreed. 'And should at least one of you still live when she comes of age?' asked my mother. 'Then I leave my wish to my daughter,' answered the man without hesitation.

"When he returned home that afternoon, he felt no worry for his daughter's future, no matter what may come.

"For 841 years, the family was happy. Until the forces of Jötunheim invaded. They destroyed the Bifrost after they came through. Then the ships so there would be no escape by sea. Her father was on one of the ships, and her mother was on it, too. She was seeing him off on his next expedition. Bad luck for them. They died with the ship. Their daughter was on the docks and she watched as the ship froze and shattered when 200 Jötuns boarded and began to destroy the boat piece by piece. She went mad with grief. She knew she had magic and she knew how to do minor things with it. But she never guessed the sheer power she contained within herself. She screamed as she turned into a massive dragon, her body twice the size of a Midgardian blue whale and wings to match. She was great and terrible and her wrath was something to behold. She massacred the Jötun force. Twenty thousand of them died when she began to spit searing blue fire at their army. Twenty thousand burned in her fury."

 

 

"Then what happened?" prompted Tony.

"She allowed herself to be chained in the dungeons by the Asgardian forces. For three days she did little. Asgardian soldiers tried to gain honor by slaying 'she who rends asunder', as everyone called the great dragon that had saved Asgard. Three days she moved only to pin down her attackers with a single, clawed paw until they yielded. On the morning of the fourth day, Thor came wielding Mjolnir and spoke to her. He said, 'I have come to slay you, dragon.' or some such nonsense-"

"Hey!" Thor interjected. Loki continued his story.

"No one expected her to reply. We did not know the huge beast was capable of speech. And it was not harsh and raspy like one would expect, but lovely and mellifluous, if loud. A creature that large cannot be expected to be able to speak all that quietly. 'Stop,' she said with authority. 'Why?' As soon as the dragon began to talk, a soldier ran out of the room to fetch the Allmother and Allfather. 'I wish to speak to your greatest maga, and only then will I die at your hand.'"

"What's a maga? Is it like a sorcerer or something?" asked Clint.

"Sorceress," answered Loki. "The greatest maga was my mother. I was afraid. What did she want with my mother? But the soldier that had left earlier was already bringing the king and queen to the dungeons to hear the dragon. They arrived soon after she asked to speak with Frigga. When they stepped into the cavernous chamber, the dragon bowed gracefully before them. 'Your Majesties,' it said politely. 'My queen, can you know who I am? Please, use your magic and tell them my name. As a gift before I am slain. It is all I ask.' Everyone knew Frigga had to do it. It was her last request, we thought. So the dragon closed her eyes and bowed her head low in front of my mother. She put a hand on her forehead and used a spell to divine her identity.

"'We cannot kill this one. She is but a child and we made a promise to her parents that if they both died we would take care of her until she came of age.' Odin knew the promise and said her name aloud. 'Yes,' answered the dragon. 'But pardon me, High Lady. I do not know how to reverse this.'

"Frigga dismissed everyone from the room except for me. My mother called me over beside her and told me to pull forth my magic and combine it with hers. Two hours we worked as the dragon shrank. When it was finally the size of a horse, We began to change it back. It took ten minutes for her to be restored to her human body. The girl I saw before me could not possibly be the powerful dragon. She was too small, too skinny. The lack of food and the massive energy drainage made her weak and she could barely stand. But she thanked us both. My mother was exhausted and I was only a little less so. So mother made me carry her to the infirmary.

"She woke the next day and the first thing she asked for was not food nor water, but rather books. And so I brought them to her as Frigga demanded I do. She made me sit with the girl as she read, so I brought several books with me. As she read, she made comments to me, comparing and contrasting the ideas of the books. We talked for hours, debating the philosophical implications of novels. I hated her for months. I hated her so much I loved her. We lived together as friends for 255 years before I realized I loved her."

"Come on, you can't leave us there!" shouted Sam.

"Don't give us a cliffhanger, Loki," threatened Natasha.

"Tomorrow," Loki said in a deadpan voice as he stood and left.

"The next part of the story brings back bad memories for him," said Thor. "We should leave him be."

That evening and night they all wondered the same thing. What happened between them that could be so painful?


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back in time a little bit to earlier in the day, focus on y o u

You walked slowly out of the tower to avoid suspicion from people on the street and from JARVIS. You needed as much time as possible to make a clean getaway. Loki might not discover the note for a day. That would probably give you some time. Or... Not. Who the fuck were you kidding; Loki would find that note by 3 p.m. So you had to be quick, but not overly conspicuous. You withdrew all of the money and went to a nearby department store and picked out four outfits suited to harsh weather and a pair of boots and a jacket. Once you paid, you went into a changing room and removed the ill-fitting garments you had been wearing. 

You went up to the woman at the counter and handed her forty dollars. "In two days, I need you to drop these off at Stark Tower. Tell them Skaði sent them and that she's really sorry for leaving so suddenly but she has very important things to attend to. If some of the Avengers come here, give them the clothing and tell them the same thing."

The woman couldn't be more than nineteen. She looked wide-eyed at the money and at you. "I can do that... Uh.. should I write it down?"

"Whatever is easiest for you. Just make sure you do it or the gods will not be pleased," you said with a conspiratorial smile.

"Just out of curiosity, miss, who are you?"

"A goddess _,_ a sorceress, a woman on the run from the love of her life..." you told her with a glitter in your eye. 

"Pardon me for asking, but who are you running from?"

"Why, none other than Loki of Asgard," you replied with a mischievous grin. "He should be arriving here within the next day or two. Tell him that while I love him, he needs to stop looking for me."

With those parting words, you vanished from the store, almost as if by magic. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very short chapter.  
> longer ones coming soon


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> disney fans, this chapter's for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow wow wow! 100 kudos?! I checked the stats. This story is the highest in kudos, subscriptions, comments, word count, and bookmarks of any story I have written here. The only thing it does not have the highest stats in is hits.

You took the subway to the city limits. It was a long ride, but whatever. When you got off, you walked a few blocks to a shitty motel. It would have to do. 

"Two nights, please," you requested at the desk. You paid and the gruff man handed you a set of keys.

"Unit 12."

When you got to the unit, you expended a bit of magical energy to figure out the distance between your location and Ogunquit, Maine. You'd decided you weren't going to hire a boat, you were just going to shift into a barn owl and fly up to a tiny port village in Maine (Ogunquit, to be precise) and fly out onto the ocean. You would then proceed with your original plan of changing until you were a fin whale.

On second thought, you might need to leave sooner. Like, now. Right now. You spotted three men in black suits surrounding your unit.  _Fuck._ You literally got there less than six hours ago what the fuck?!

 _Alright alright think. Mouse? Nah, this place wasn't run down enough. There's an open window, maybe a pigeon? Yes, yes a pigeon would work._ You rolled under the bed and quickly transformed into a pigeon. You stood on your little pigeon legs and strutted about the tiny place, pecking at things on the carpet.  _Ugh, this is humiliating_. But you had to be convincing because those guys would burst in there at any mome-  _BANG!_ The door slammed open and you cooed and fluttered onto a cabinet. After a moment, you flapped over and landed on the windowsill before taking off over the parking lot.

* * *

Pigeon vocal apparatus wasn't exactly suited to whistling, but one could manipulate them. You were bored. Flying for two and a half hours with no in-flight entertainment was boring. So you modified the vocal folds of the body you had chosen and whistled songs. In your year on Earth, you had become a veritable library of music. 

You whistled first Heart and Soul by Hoagy Carmichael and Frank Loesser. Then Beyond the Sea, specifically the Bobby Darin version. Then an assortment of Disney songs, including the entire song track of at least six movies. Hercules was the last movie soundtrack. You whistled Go the Distance from Hercules. And finally a song that hit far too close to home. You whistled both parts of it. But you weren't paying attention to that. You payed attention to the lyrics in your head.

_"If there's a prize for rotten judgement_   
_I guess I've already won that._   
_No man is worth the aggravation,_   
_That's ancient history, been there, done that."_

Then you whistled the part where Meg and the muses go back and forth.

_"I thought my heart had learned its lesson..._   
_It feels so good when you start out._   
_My head is screaming "Get a grip, girl,_   
_Unless you're dying to cry your heart out-"_

You had to stop there. Your own situation was too similar, your wounds too fresh. It seemed like most of the songs you knew were love songs. Then out of a sense of irony, you began to whistle Bon Jovi's Livin' on a Prayer. Flying with your back to the sun, you wondered how many more miles until you could sleep. The sun lowered toward the horizon behind you and you flew on toward fate.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for a fourth wall break, a new character, and some jibes aimed at you, my reader. And also jibes aimed at me and my writing.

_An author sat on a bench in front of a pretty sweet hotel looking at all the pigeons. There were pigeons everywhere. That's NYC for you. But she read through her book, ignoring the birds eyeing her bagel greedily._ **Not today, bitches.**

_As she read, the stupider she felt. She'd taken her inspiration from Norse mythology. Loki, the god of mischief, falls in love. Great. Lovely. But she looked at the female lead's name. What kind of a stupid name was that anyway? She felt dumb. Her book read like a shitty fanfiction, dammit. She was about to ball up the manuscript and feed it to those MOTHERFUCKING PIGEONS THAT HAD STOLEN HER BAGEL YESTERDAY. She hadn't even known what had possessed her to write this idiotic work._

_But she didn't ball up the manuscript and feed it to the pigeons because that was when her phone rang. And that was when the sky cracked open. And that was when the world went to shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you all and I was joking about the name thing :D


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more fourth wall breakage  
> they really gotta get some insurance on that thing because i'm gonna keep breaking it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo so far this thing is like 25 pages are u proud of me yet  
> i'm proud of me
> 
> but hers is double spaced mine is not so even though it's literally almost the exact same book-thing or whatever hers is 40 pages

_Forty pages of Times New Roman font double-spaced words were clutched tightly in her hands as she fought to breathe. She held them like a lifeline. They were a lifeline. It's rather difficult to breathe when half a hotel falls on you. She struggled to free herself, ignoring the commotion around her._

_She soon gave that up as a useless effort._

_"Um, hi there, excuse me sir," she called to a stranger that seemed to be leading the rescue effort. "I think I might be dying," she said with an apologetic smile. (Shock is one hell of a drug, let me tell you.)_

_The man was dressed rather oddly. He wore a blue and red and white suit. He looked weird and out of place and like an American flag. But somehow... Somehow he looked in his element. Like he belonged here, helping people. She was jolted out of her thoughts by his voice._

_"Ma'am? Can you move at all?"_

_She was about to answer when it washed over her. A wave of agony burned through her abdomen like an all-consuming fire, setting her nerves ablaze with pain._

_"I believe," she said, gritting her teeth against the pain as tears streamed down her cheeks, "that I've been impaled on a piece of rebar." The papers still in her hand were crumpled in her white-knuckled grip as she fought to stay in control of herself. It was a battle she would inevitably lose, she knew, but she would stay as useful to her own rescue effort as possible for as long as possible._

_The strange man put a hand up to his ear and started talking into a little microphone. She wasn't listening._

_"Who caused this?" she asked the stranger._

_"Loki."_

_The author's body went cold. No. It couldn't be. It was only a story she'd written._

_"Mr...?"_

_"Rogers. Steve Rogers." That name. She knew then what must be done._

_"Mr. Rogers, if I die today, give Loki these papers. If I live, take them and put them somewhere safe. Don't let anyone read them, no matter what._ No matter what, _it's important. Take them out in four years and read them. If there's something strange, find me."_

_"What? If there's something strange?"_

_"You'll know."_

_"Ma'am, I'm afraid I don't-"_

"You'll know. _Now promise me." He looked at her with a confused expression but promised. Steve Rogers took the papers from her pale hand and stowed them safely in his suit. Her harrowed expression softened and the woman trapped under the rubble sighed and let her eyes fall shut._


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We got a time skip because idk what to do anymore tbh.  
> Really short chapter because it hit me right in the heart and I don't know how to handle it.

Your song was sad and lonely and heartbreakingly beautiful to the great blue cetaceans of the interminable depths. A song of emptiness and remembrances, fleeting memories and long-lasting loves. Pods of whales came across you occasionally and followed you for miles just to hear more of that haunting, captivating melody. It hummed out in the deep as you used every note to try to bind your broken heart back together, no matter how it would always fail.

You'd only been with Loki again for a short time. How could it hurt so bad to leave him?  _It's for the best,_  you told yourself over and over.  _It's for the best... It's for the best..._  

So you swam on, trying to forget but knowing you never could. Trying to forget his witty repartee, trying to forget the way he grinned when he was planning something particularly mischievous, trying to forget how he never ceased to make you laugh or smile. But knowing,  _knowing_ you would never, ever forget how much you loved everything about him. Not as long as you lived would you forget how much you loved him. Not again. 

And you swam. And you sang. And you mourned what could not be.

**Author's Note:**

> Congratulations, reader. Thou art not a Mary Sue.


End file.
